


With a name

by bodhirookandor



Series: Your name in mine [1]
Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Canon-Typical Violence, F/F, Force-Sensitive Rose Tico, Romantic Soulmates, Rose-Centric, Soulmate-Identifying Marks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-20
Updated: 2017-08-20
Packaged: 2018-12-17 15:25:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,541
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11854401
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bodhirookandor/pseuds/bodhirookandor
Summary: The names showed up on her skin when she was five, barely able to read the words etched on her skin, but knowing that they were important. She stared at them, touching them with a sort of reverence she hadn’t yet known she’d possessed.





	With a name

**Author's Note:**

> AYYY! This is the first f/f fic I've ever written. It's a soulmate au because I live for that shit. Rose is force sensitive-I got that from prncefinn on tumblr-they're amazing follow them. I wrote this for my friend Megan's birthday. I hope your bday was wonderful! As always y'all can contact me on my tumblr: bifinnskywalker :)
> 
> I played around with certain things, being force-sensitive and being tied to someone through a soulmate bond holds a lot more to it than just finding your soulmate. I hope it makes sense. Let me know if my experiment paid off? I tweaked canon some and stretched the timeline a smidge. You'll see the full effects in other parts of this series but I'd like to give y'all a heads up. Any change in canon was intentional :)
> 
> This is a soulmate au but with a significant amount of plot around it that I'll be adding to as I go on (and as the films keep going). They'll be their own separate fics in this series, some will focus on other characters (the only ones outside of this established trio would be finn and poe), but they all take place in this universe.
> 
> Background real quick: People with soul identifying marks are force sensitive; the first order used them to track down force sensitive individuals and a) kill them b) make them stormtroopers or c) make them a part of the knights of ren that's why Rose's parents are terrified of her having it.

She was born under a full moon, her cries breaking the still quiet that surrounded them. She remembers her father’s strong grip, the warmth that surrounded her once she’d been placed in her mother’s arms. The quiet coos silencing any of her cries.

“Rose,” her mother had named her, breathing purpose into her skin with just the name, “Rose Tico.” 

And Rose smiled in response.

* * *

The names showed up on her skin when she was five, barely able to read the words etched on her skin, but knowing that they were  _important_. She stared at them, touching them with a sort of reverence she hadn’t yet known she’d possessed.

“Hello,” she whispered to the names wrapped around her wrist, “my name is Rose.”

Rose didn’t understand why her mother sobbed and sobbed and sobbed when she happily showed her the names. She didn’t understand her mother’s insistence she wear a glove, nor the reason for their abrupt move.

Rose didn’t understand the underlying reason, but she understood enough to know her marks weren’t to be seen.

* * *

She tried not to look at them too often, tried to keep them hidden like her mother reprimanded. She tried, honestly truly tried to push the thought away, to keep any thought of those names out of her mind.

Rose tried.

But she rarely if ever succeeded.

Some days there’d be an itch, a tingling sensation in her wrist that wouldn’t let up until Rose open it and stared. Other days there’d be a burning sensation, one of the names warming up to such a degree that Rose could do nothing but hiss and press her hand against some metal.

‘Rey’ hissed with fire, ‘Jessika’ itched with curiosity and Rose....Rose learned to deal. Like she always did. Like she was always forced to do.

There’d be days, moments where she’d feel as though she were displaced in time, cast adrift and wandering the open galaxies. Sometimes she’d land next to a girl playing the sand, drawing faces and names and sniffling quietly into her hand. She’d sit next to the girl, humming a quiet lullaby Paige sang to her sometimes, trying to instill a little bit of peace. The girl next to her never noticed.

Other times Rose would find herself flying without  _actually_  flying, soaring through the air with the delighted laugh of a mother and her child. She’d grin those times, feeling the wind in her face and taking in the bright grin on the girl’s face. 

Sometimes Rose wanted to reach out and touch them, press her hand to theirs and see if she were actually in these places or if she’d somehow become more disconnected from reality than she’d originally thought.

Her hand never moved a millimeter closer to these girls, hovering above their own, fear staying her actions. Rose wasn’t sure she was ready to let them go, to shatter the illusion. It was her dream, a dream of a dream of a dream.

And Rose refused to let it go.

* * *

She never told anyone about her dreams, kept it locked up tight within her like a magical safe-open to her and only her. Rose didn’t want to upset her mother, didn’t want to bring more stress to the family than she’d already had.

So she kept quiet and she  _dreamed_.

Sometimes they were beautiful, bright lights and warm winds caressing her face, those two girls twirling around her like the dancers her mother had always told her about. Laughing and running and playing, but never touching. It was a dream, a beautiful, wondrous dream.

There were times though, where terror oozed into her dreams, sucked the color out until everything was washed out. Laughter drained and sobs rose to a crescendo. Day and night ceased to be and all there was, was the void, an empty, hallow thing that whispered desperation and loss.

Rose  _burned_  when she had these dreams, boiled from the inside out and turned to ash. She screamed and cried, but no one heard her, locked away as she was.

The darkness whispered of power, of anger, of a knowledge she’d only hope to posses.

Rose had once wondered if it’d be better to forgo sleep, but the promise of sun and laughter kept her going back for more.

She never told anyone. Not Paige, not her mother. No one. And through it all, Rose dreamed a dream that had come and had yet to come; past and present converged into one.

She  _dreamed_ , and no one knew.

* * *

Paige left. She left to fight for “what’s right,” she told her parents, eyes blazing like they always do. Rose watched from the sidelines as her parents screamed, cajoled, cried, and eventually, reluctantly, gave their consent. She watched, with eyes seeing beyond the space around her, as her sister began packing, flittering about their shared room as though this was just another slumber party she was headed to.

“You’re not going to say anything?” Paige had finally asked, sighing and turning around to look at her. Rose took a second to look at her sister, a second to see past her false bravado for the fear and anger underneath.

“Don’t die.” It came out like a whisper, a plea that filled the space around them. Paige wasn’t allowed to die, she could do whatever the kriff she wanted but she couldn’t do  _that_.

“Don’t you dare die.” It wasn’t meant to come out like that, weak and desperate. A shaken whimper that left her lips and betrayed her fear. 

“I can’t promise that.” Paige said, looking at her with eyes that burned with regret and sorrow, “I can’t promise anything.”

“Not even that you’ll try?” Kriff, she sounded so  _small,_  sunken in on herself and fragile.

“I can try.” Paige whispered, walking over to her and hugging Rose tightly. Rose hugged back, trying to press into her sister all of her love and fear and anger.

“I mean it. Try not to die.” Paige didn’t say anything, merely kissed her forehead and hugged her tight.

Paige left. She left with a duffle bag and a promise and Rose stood next to her parents and swallowed down her fear as her own determination rose within her.

* * *

Sometimes the dreams she dreamed were warped, confusing mishmashes of scenarios and feelings that had Rose feeling dizzy and nauseous. She tried to decipher them, tried to stop the way the names on her skin burned with each dream, tried to make sense of what was happening to her. But she never did. All she could do was move forward and hope. 

Hope guided her a lot these days. Burned the uncertainty in her path away until all that was there was purpose and a yearning so deep it took her breath away.

It was after another one of those  _dreams_ , dreams where she had more questions than answers, that Rose made a decision.

“I need to go,” she told her parents that morning. Her mother stared back at her, face a veritable wall that Rose wouldn’t even hope of deciphering. 

“Why?” Her father asked. He tried to keep his voice neutral, tried to tuck away the emotions but he failed. Rose could practically  _taste_  the molten anger and ice cold fear, could practically  _hear_  his denials on the tip of his tongues.

“You know why,” Rose whispered, turning away from her father’s pained (so very pained,  _why_ ) eyes to her mother.

Her mother said nothing for a long time, quiet and still. She sat there, unmoving, appearing to all the world that nothing, not even a star exploding could move her.

But then her eyes flickered and Rose  _understood_. She could see the protective drive within her mother, the terror that kept her awake at night; she could see the love that burned so fiercely in her gaze, the way it wrapped around her shoulders and spread  _outward_. She could see the hope. It wrapped around her mother’s neck, a comforting scarf that brought her warmth on the cold days ahead of them.

It brought Rose some comfort too.

“Okay,” her mother whispered, fear and hope and joy and anger warring in her tone, “okay.”

Rose hugged her parents as tight as she possibly could and with a quiet “goodbye” made her way to the resistance.

* * *

“Rose Tico,” Leia Organa said, looking at her with eyes that saw far too much, “sister of Paige I presume?”

“You’d be correct,” Rose tried to keep eye contact, tried to make sure she didn’t get swallowed up by...whatever it was that filtered out of the general and filled the space around them. It pounded, a distant beat of the drum, a quiet buzz in the back of her mind. A warning. A promise.

Leia hummed, eyes still on her. The feeling grew, the walls and the floor falling away until there was nothing but Rose Tico and the General. The Mechanic and Leia Organa. Floating above a black abyss, looking at nothing but each other; time lost in the space between them.

And then Leia blinked and they were back in her office.

“Welcome,” Leia Organa said, eyes gleaming with some hidden knowledge, “to the resistance Rose.”

And Rose could only nod in dumbfounded awe.

* * *

She met her on a routine check up. Hands in the guts of an x-wing and eyes seeing nothing more than the parts in front of her. She met her on a normal day, quietly listening along to whatever music was blasting around them, smile half on her face.

She had ink on her cheek when she met her. Hair tied up in a loose bun, sleeves rolled to her elbow, stains literally everywhere. She met her.

“You’re the new mechanic right?” The voice to her left almost had Rose jumping out of her skin. She cursed, cheek warming and stumbling out from under the x-wing, to see the person who’d startled her laughing slightly behind her hand.

“Sorry, didn’t mean to scare you,” she grinned, dark brown eyes twinkling with so much  _depth_  it took Rose’s breath away. 

‘You,’ she thought hand touching her wrist slightly, ‘it’s you.’ 

“I’m Jessika,” the other woman continued, as if she hadn’t flipped Rose’s world upside down, as if she hadn’t made everything go off kilter, “it’s nice to meet you.” 

The mark on her wrist warmed, heat pooling from her chest down to her fingers. The woman ( _Jessica,_  her mind whispers, a quiet sigh to the back of her skull) smiled again and it felt as though it was a star, plucked from the universe to shine directly down on Rose. It was warm, but not uncomfortably so and Rose found herself smiling back, easy and smooth. 

“Hi,” she breathed, bereft of any air to do much else, “I’m Rose.”

‘It’s you,’ she thought taking the offered hand in hers and shaking it slightly, ‘it’s really you.’ And if Jessika felt Rose’s hand trembling in hers she didn’t comment, merely smiled that same cosmic smile. That smile that made Rose’s insides turn to mush and her hands tremble.

“It’s nice to meet you,” Jessika whispered, eyes slightly furrowed in confusion. Her smile was still warm though, still a healing balm against the side of Rose’s face.

‘Officially,’ Rose thought, but she smiled all the same.

She met her that day, on a day that felt like any other, on a day that was supposed to be normal. She met  _her,_ smiling brightly and warmly. She met  _her_ , in the flesh; no longer a figment of her imagination.

‘I can’t believe you’re real,’ Rose thought, heart constricting and expanding at the same time.

“It’s nice to meet you too.” She whispered, her breath stolen away and given up to something better, filling the space between them.

Jess just kept smiling and Rose....Rose could do nothing more than smile back.

* * *

It took Rose three days to realize Jess didn’t have names on her skin. Three days for her to realize that Jess didn’t  _know_ , never knew. It took her three days to peel off her glove and stare down at the names in confusion, another week to close her eyes in defeat.

Jess didn’t know. She  _never knew_. And Rose...Rose couldn’t tell her even if she wanted to.

How do you go about telling someone you’ve had their names etched onto your skin for years? That sometimes, in the dead of night when everyone was asleep, you’d peel of your glove and press a soft kiss to the names on there? How do you tell someone that you  _dreamed_  of them, endless nights spent playing and laughing with a girl you thought wasn’t real? How do you tell someone you loved them even before you truly ever knew them?

How would Rose do that and not be sent to the nearest medbay?

She kept silent, hid her heart behind steel walls. She wrapped her hand under her glove, thick white bandages hiding the names from her view. Rose didn’t want to be reminded, didn’t want anything to do with them.

She looked up at her bathroom mirror and saw her mother’s terrified and exhausted eyes staring back at her.

* * *

“There’s a party later today if you wanna come,” Jess said to her one day, leaning against the side of the ship Rose is working on.

“Oh?” Rose asked, trying to keep her voice neutral as she continued to tinker away.

“I mean not really a  _party_ , a get together would be a better description,” a cough above her drew Rose’s attention and she moved out from under the ship to see Jess fidget with the wrench in her hand, “and I wanted to invite you because well...” She trailed off with a laugh, rubbing the back of her head and looking down at Rose with an unsure smile.

“I’d love to,” the words flew out of her mouth before she could even think them through; a truth spilled from lips without her consent, “I’d love to come.”

“Really?” And Jess was still smiling but it was warmer now, softened at the edges and more sure. The warmth spread outside of her, brightening her face and leaving Rose blinded.

Her heart mended and broke, over and over again in that moment.

Rose stood up, body trembling just  _so_  and smiled back, slow and honest and warm and terrified. She stood up, moving closer and closer to Jess not noticing the fact that Jess came closer too. Until they were standing toe to toe in the quiet workshop.

“Yeah,” Rose breathed, eyes flickering from Jessika’s lips to her eyes and holding her there, “yeah I do.”

Jessika hugged her, anchoring her to that one moment and Rose felt all her worries wash away, drain from her body and flood the floor around them.

‘I can do this,’ she thought, hands slowly rising to hug Jessika back, ‘I can do this.’

* * *

“Are you ever going to tell her?” Paige asked, leaning against the doorframe, watching Rose put the rest of her hair in a ponytail.

“Tell who, what?” Her wrist tingled slightly, an itch that Rose knew belonged to Jess’ name. She sighed.

“You know who,” Paige rolled her eyes and moved closer to her sister, “and you know exactly what I’m talking about.” 

“Yeah well I don’t-” She fell to the ground, a scream tearing through her throat. Paige screamed out her name, crouching next to her but Rose could barely hear her, could barely hear beyond the terrified screams of thousands of people.

She was  _there_ , standing next to a woman she vaguely recognized as her parent’s neighbor Rue, looking up at the bright beam as it came closer and closer to her. 

She was screaming, expletives leaving her mouth in quick succession.

She was  _burning,_ body ripping in two and people were  _screaming, screaming, screaming and ohmygodstoptheburningplease._

Rose  _turned_ ,  _seeing_  her parents holding each other, her father pressing a kiss to her mother’s head as their home was engulfed in flames.

She screamed, curling in on herself, sobs leaving her lips as fire surrounded her, pooling to the tips of her fingers and the rushing outward, throwing everything and everyone out of her path. She screamed and screamed and screamed, fire and wind and rage and terror and grief rising to a crescendo within her.

She  _heard_  and  _saw_  Death swirling around, and a part of her was taken with It, lost within the ether and Rose fell, fell, fell. She fell screaming, engulfed in bright light.

Rose  _fell_ , her parents screaming ringing in her ears.

* * *

Silence was what greeted her as she woke; more than silence, a sudden lack of sound where she was sure noise should be. She stared up at the ceiling, numbness crawling over her tired body. She wondered if time would cease to exist if she laid absolutely still, if she didn’t breathe and let time rove over her like an uninterested guest. She felt cut off, as though a part of her had been destroyed in the  _fire, burning, screaming, screaming, screaming._  

She felt detached, a helpless spectator to the ruin that laid at her feet. 

"Rose,” she turned to her left. Paige looked like a mess, a bandage wrapped around the side of her head, eyes sunken in, red and wet. Rose couldn’t feel anything beyond numb. It curved around her, a cool apathy that staved off the horror, terror,  _rage_ , that she knew she should be feeling.

She could still  _hear_  her parents screams, a distant echo that would no doubt haunt her in her dreams. 

“Rose,” Paige whispered again, hugging with her head tucked into Rose’s shoulder, as though if she pressed hard enough the reality of their situation would no longer be true. “Rose,” She whispered, over and over again, her body shaking as sobs tore through her.

Paige sobbed into her shoulder and Rose...Rose couldn’t do anything but hold her sister and try not to succumb to the emptiness that gnawed at her chest.

* * *

Time didn’t move linearly. Not anymore. She’d wake trapped in fire and screams and sobs then wake again to her sister sleeping next to her, then wake with her mother smiling down on her.

The numbness that welled within her those first few hours left, giving rise to the howling winds of her rage and the tidal wave of her grief. It ripped her apart of the inside out, unforgiving and unrelenting. A shuddered hiss of failure and scorn.

She wondered if she was slipping, falling down a spiral into an abyss she would never be able to get out of.

Rose wondered if she even  _wanted_ to.

* * *

Jess found her a day later, mind  _trapped_  and body curling in on itself. She found her muttering quietly to herself, nails digging deep into her skin. 

She  _saw_  more than she wanted to, eyes flickering past her parents terrified gaze, blocking out the shattered screams of the souls of the damned and instead  _saw_  the self satisfied gaze of a man that wiped out three planets.

She  _saw_  a man who, with a speech and a swipe of his hand, condemned her people to death and Rose felt nausea well up within her.

She  _hated_ in that moment. Hated with a fervor that made her want to hit something, to throw something at the window and make it  _hurt_. Make it hurt like she hurt, make it feel a fraction of the pain that clawed at her every day.

“Rose!” Jess’ cry shocked her out of her deepening spiral. She looked up to see the other girl holding onto her, eyes wide in fear (not fear of her, Rose could see, but fear  _for_  her. And kriff if that didn’t knock the wind out of her lungs). 

“Rose?” Jess whispered, hands moving away from her shoulders and cupping her face. “You’re safe, breathe with me.” And Rose tried, she tried to match her breathing to the other woman’s, tried to slow the wooshing in her ears, tried to stamp down the ugly rage in her stomach.

She hated so much. She  _hated_  so much.

Tears streamed down her face, leaving burning trails and Rose was just so  _exhausted_.

“I hate them so much,” she whispered, a trembling sigh in the space between them.

“Oh honey,” Jess whispered, thumb wiping the tears on her face, “I’m so sorry. I’m so, so sorry.” And Rose finally sobbed, sobbed for her mother and father, for her neighbor Rue, for everyone ripped apart by the First Order.

She cried and cried, hiccuping once, twice, three times as sobs wracked through her. Jess hugged her close to her chest and Rose sobbed for everything she’d lost.

The names on her wrist  _burned_  and Rose sobbed harder.

* * *

She wanted to say something when Jess made her way to her x-wing hours later. Wanted to say something more meaningful than a standard goodbye. She wanted...kriff she didn’t know what she wanted.

That’s a lie; Rose knew exactly what she wanted.

‘Don’t go,’ she thought, hands in the pockets of her mechanics uniform, ‘don’t go where I can’t follow.’ 

“I’ll be back before you know it,” Jess was saying, smile strained. Rose didn’t say anything for a minute, looking down at the ground with a clenched teeth. The mark on her wrist itched and itched, tingling with the same sort of curiosity it always did.

She took Jess’ hand in hers before she could chicken out.

“I just...promise me you’ll try to be careful?” And Jess’ smile slowly overtook her face, dawn breaking out across her lips and Rose was  _transfixed_.

“Of course,” Jess said, her smile soft and small and for  _Rose,_  “of course.”

“Good,” Rose breathed, “good, just...good.” And she smiled back, a twitch at her lips that felt more real than anything she’d ever done.

Jess smiled at her and Rose felt something in her heal just slightly.

* * *

Time never moved linearly. Rose knew that, understood it to a level she couldn’t really articulate. It jumped around, curled around certain events, slowing down and going faster in equal measure.

She could still  _hear_  her mothers screams, could still  _feel_  the heat swirling around her, spreading across her shoulders and whispering tales of rage and fear and the need to  _hurt,_ a tantalizing whisper of surrender.

Rose was to scared to even think about surrendering meant.

She found herself outside the general’s door hours after Jessika left, hovering in front it unsurely. She wondered if it would be terrible to go in, to make way for herself and just....hear with her own ears that Jess was okay. She wanted to  _do_  something, be more useful than she currently felt. 

But she couldn’t just  _barge_  in there could she?

Rose turned around with a click of her teeth and made her way to where she knew her sister would be. Paige looked up the minute she entered, face unreadable.

“I know how to put a blaster apart in seconds; I know what makes an x-wing go and how to dismantle it so much so there’s no hope of it ever flying again; I’m good with tools. But that didn’t save mom and dad and all those people. I’m  _useless_.” Her breath escaped her in heavy pants, self-loathing and anger so deep it filled her bones, coursing through her.

“I need to know  _more_. I need to be  _better_. They  _ruined me. Destroyed our home_. I need....I need,” she was crying, angry tears cascading down her face in a steady stream. 

Paige stayed silent, merely looking at her with that same expressionless face that her mother would always use whenever she was thinking.

“I need to be stronger,” Rose whispered, voice raw and painful, “I need to be stronger to  _protect._ You and Jess and....and everyone.”

“Oh Rosie,” Paige finally murmured, moving closer to her until she was standing in front of her, “you’re plenty strong yourself. Don’t think you’re not. They destroyed our home yes,” Paige cupped her face, head falling until their foreheads touched, “they tried to destroy but  _we’re still here_. And we’re always going to be here. We’re not ruined. They can’t get rid of us that easily. We’re resisting. We’re alive and we’ll always resist.”

“Resisting is the Tico way,” and Rose laughed, loudly with a catch slight catch in her throat.

“Now,” Paige said, letting go and grabbing one of the staffs on the shelf and handing it to Rose, “I can certainly teach you how to defend yourself.”

Rose took a deep breath and nodded, copying the stance her sister fell into.

* * *

It’s two hours later that she  _drifts_  again. Only this time she was fully awake, talking to her sister about something when the world around her warps, twisting and turning and she stumbles and falls into snow covered ground.

She was  _gone_ , in darkness running with a man she didn’t know and a woman she knew she was  _supposed_  know. Something hissed behind them and Rose turned around and came face to face with a monster. 

The monster with a face as pale as the snow on the ground screamed at them. The woman Rose had been running with and the man next to her both stopped, turning around with fear etched onto their face.

“We’re not done yet,” the monster whispered, eyes wide with  _something_  that made Rose flinch away from him.

Neither of the people she was standing next to saw her, as though they were too focused on each other to notice her frozen figure. Electricity crackled around the four of them and Rose could feel her breaths quicken.

Her wrist tingled with warmth and Rose held it with clenched teeth.

“You’re a monster!” The woman shouted, holding her blaster tightly in her hand.

‘Shoot him,’ Rose thought, looking at the monster in front of her, ‘ _shoot_ him!’

As though hearing her, the woman lifted her blaster but froze as the monster lifted his hand. Both of them grunted and Rose could feel her lungs squeeze as that very same thing that held her captive in the General’s office held her captive then. But it felt perverted, warped and  _dangerous_.

She took a step back, hidden behind a tree, and as if a spell was broken, the monster waved his hand sharply and the woman flew back with a scream, hitting a tree several feet back.

“Rey!” The man screamed and Rose felt her wrist  _burn_. It was  _her_. She was here! Alive and real and a monster  _hurt_ her. 

Rage, a familiar companion at this point, coursed through her, so delicious and  _warm_  and Rose gnashed her teeth together.

“Traitor!” The monster screamed, pale face an ugly contrast to the darkness around them. The man who had been crouched down next to Rey’s still ( _too still_ , Force, Rose couldn’t lose her before she had even met her...please) body, rose. He turned, face determined and eyes shining with a determination that echoed around them. He stood tall, eyes level at the monster in front of them, angry and terrified but so very determined.

Something  _snapped_ , wind twisting chaotically around them, centered around the man who stood in front of Rey. Rose could  _hear_  a waterfall, a rushing water that threatened to drown everything and anyone in its path. She  _felt_  molten lava coat the snow covered ground; steam rose around them, hot yet cool. An invisible weight, it bared down on all of them, causing her and the monster to grunt in surprise.

“My name,” the man whispered, igniting the weapon in his hand (a kriffing lightsaber) and holding it next to him, illuminating his face in the dark, “is Finn.” 

“That lightsaber,” the monster hissed, the red glow of his lightsaber casting shadows on his face, “belongs to me.”

“Yeah?” Finn said, eyebrow cocked and a sneer on his lips, “come and get it then.”

With a scream, the monster charged, lava burning bright behind him. Finn stood still, a deceptive calm in the middle of a storm. They clashed, fire and ice, darkness and light. The clashed and clashed.

And the world around them shook in despair.

And Rose....Rose ran to Rey.

* * *

Rose  _dreamed_  a lot when she was younger. She  _dreamed_  of flying, of soaring high in the sky and laughing without a care in the world. She  _dreamed_ of blue skies and twinkling stars and the bright grin on Jess’ face.

She  _dreamed_ of sand, felt it penetrate her skin and leave it raw and wounded. She  _felt_  it’s heat, felt it become glass beneath her fingertips while a beautiful girl cried next to her. She sang in those moments, little whispers of songs her sister used to sing to her. She sang and sang, close enough to feel the cool wind of the girl next to her. Rose’s mark  _warmed_  in those moments, a soft tickle of a wind that brushed to fast against her skin. 

She would sing and sing and sing, her voice going hoarse until the girl’s cries subsided.

‘I’m Rose,’ she’d think, eyeing her with a sort of longing she couldn’t yet articulate, ‘Rose.’

* * *

Rose crouched next to Rey, her hand hovering over the girl’s face. She was shaking, too terrified to actually take the plunge and see for herself if she was alive.

She couldn’t lose her, not yet. Not when she hadn’t even  _met_ her yet.

The mark on her wrist  _writhed_ , Rey’s name twisting and turning and Rose prayed for everything to go okay. 

“Please,” she choked out, heart in her throat and desperation sliding down her frame, “please be okay.”

Her hand touched Rey’s, her wrist flashing hot and running cool, and then Rose turned around, swallowing her fear and nausea and looking at the man that helped  _ruin_  so many things. 

The world around her spun and twisted and broke and Rose....Rose went to help Finn.

* * *

Her mother used to tell her and her sister stories. Used to tell them tales about knights and soldiers and royalty, used to let them know the meaning of family, of a love so profound it saved galaxies, but also of a love so terrible it destroyed everything it touched.

“Love,” her mother used to tell them, eyes past them to a space neither she nor her sister could reach, “can have terrible consequences.”

* * *

Rose twisted her hand, rain soaked dirt and the crackle of thunder invading her senses, and the monster flew back, twisting and turning in the air until he hit the very same tree he’d thrown Rey. It took a lot of her, the electricity that flowed through her fingers turning around and shocking her so much she fell with a grunt to the cold ground. 

Finn turned back in surprise, looking around in the dark until his eyes spotted her.

“Who are you?” He asked, holding his lightsaber suspiciously. Rose swallowed and grit her teeth, blood roaring in her ears.

What would she tell him? That she was a friend? That she was nothing more than a spectator who’d grown tired of spectating? That she was just a girl here for nothing more than the people she cared about? What would she tell him?

“I’m Rose,” she rasped, settling for something she knew to be true, “Rose Tico.” Her vision swam and she struggled to stand, Finn reaching down to try and help her but getting nothing but air. They stared at each in confusion and surprise.

“You’re not really  _here_.” He said it like he knew, like he understood and Rose nodded with a pained swallow. She went to say something but the monster rose and screamed.

“ _You_ ,” he hissed, his voice ripped and ragged. He moved closer to them, irises blown wide until they overtook the white of his eyes. He looked demonic, a wraith born to haunt them.

“I will  _kill_  you,” his eyes flickered to her and then rested on Finn. Hatred bled into his eyes, reflecting the glow of his lightsaber and Rose swallowed.

Fire flickered along the edge of his robes, lava burst from the ground around him. He looked at them for a second, his lightsaber hissing beside him. And then he charged.

Finn met him halfway, challenging him blow for blow. Water rushed the space around them, the snow working to dampen the raging fire. 

Rose moved to Rey, her vision darkening with every step. She pressed her hand to the other girl’s face, and let out a trembling sigh.

‘You need to wake up,’ she thought, looking down at Rey’s face, ‘Finn needs help and I can’t help him.’

Finn screamed and Rey woke with a gasp. And Rose...Rose was  _gone,_ the last thing she saw was Rey’s eyes widening.

“It’s you,” Rey’s breathless shock followed her down the abyss. 

* * *

She used to have night terrors. Visceral images that sickened her to the core would follow her in her dreams, whispering taint so deep it took her breath away. She would wake with a cry, body shaking and heart hammering in her chest. Sobs would escape her as though her body needed to give voice to the soul shattering fear that gripped her tight and refused to let go.

Her mother always came into her room and held her close as Rose cried about a soulless wraith. He followed her into her nightmares, carefully whispering of tantalizing darkness and a power so deep it’d take her breath away.

It was the same thing always, face ripped and half his jaw missing, the wraith would follow her down and down the abyss where she would burn.

Rose had night terrors but she never believed them to be true.

* * *

She was falling, slipping between the cracks of the universe and falling deep into and endless chasm. Rose wondered if this was it for her, if she was going to keep falling until the end of time, falling and falling with no end in sight.

Rose fell and then she  _heard_.

“Leave the base at once and come to me with Kylo Ren. It’s time to complete his training.” His voice was the same. A dangerous lilt to it where shadows screamed and painful moans echoed. It was oily, slimy; the voice slithering past her ears and resting below her ribcage.

Rose wanted to throw up, wanted to do more than just fall and  _hear_  the monster that stalked her nightmares.

Rose fell and then she  _saw_.

She saw him, still as grotesque as ever. Half of his jaw was still missing, held together by long ligaments that seemed to be unraveling by the second. Wrinkled, eyes sunken in by shining a watery blue, Rose  _saw_  him.

And he  _saw_  her.

Rose fell with the sound of his laughter echoing the space around her.

* * *

Rose woke back on the base, her sister’s startled gasp the only sound in the room. She turned, only to be engulfed in an embrace as Paige let out a shuddered sigh.

“Don’t you dare do this again,” Paige whispered, her shaking frame pressed against Rose’s. “You’re not allowed.”

“I’ll try not to,” Rose replied, resting her head against her sister’s shoulder and trying to block out the last vestiges of that monster’s laugh. 

“How long was I out?” She asked, moving away from her sister’s embrace and settling more comfortably in the bed.

“A day, they destroyed it,” Paige told her, eyes shimmering with vicious satisfaction, “they did it.” 

“Are they all okay?” 

“They are, Rey too.” And she looked her then, waiting for any surprise on Rose’s part and when she found none she nodded.

“You  _went_ there then?” And when Rose nodded Paige ran a hand through her hair and swallowed, blinking back tears.

“Are you okay?”

“I’m always okay.” Paige gave her another look and Rose sighed, “I’m trying to be okay,” she amended.

“They’re outside if you want to...” Paige trailed off, turning towards the door and Rose took a deep breath. 

Did she want to see them? Did she want to look at them and realize that all along they were real and true and  _there_  and she had their names on her skin for years and it felt like she  _knew_  them but she didn’t know them and Force what if Rey didn’t have any names either what would she  _do_ and-

“Rose,” Paige whispered, hand on her shoulder to anchor her to the moment, “breathe.”

She nodded after she was able to get her breathing under control and nodded again to tell Paige she wanted to see them. Paige nodded back, opened the door to let Rey and Jess in, and left. 

The three of them looked at each other for a moment, not a word passing their lips.

* * *

She never touched them in her dreams, never let her hand casually brush theirs if only to make sure her carefully constructed fantasy wasn’t broken. Rose wasn’t sure she was ready to let them go, to shatter the illusion. It was her dream, a dream of a dream of a dream.

And Rose refused to let it go.

* * *

They looked at each other, time ceasing to be in that moment, giving them all the time in the world to  _look_  and understand and realize that this was truly happening.

“Hi,” Rose breathed a minute later, voice so very fragile she was terrified it was going to break, “how are you guys?” And with that the spell is broken, all three of them laughing with a sort of giddiness that left them smiling goofily at each other.

Rey and Jess sat on either side of her, eyes roving her frame and Rose smiled back at them.

“I dreamt of you guys,” Jess whispered, squinting her eyes and tilting her head, “you were there, in my  _dreams_  and I thought they were just fantasy but then Rose you were there real and  _alive_  and I just...” She trailed off, swallowing down her frustration. Rose took a chance and moved her hand, slowly, cautiously, resting it on hers, gasping when Jess turned her palm and interlocked their fingers.

“I dreamt of you too, both of you,” Rey said, moving closer and resting her hand on Rose’s, “I didn’t think the girl that used to sing to me and the girl that always talked about flying were real.” They laughed, shaking their heads and looking at each other with eyes that promise the moon and hearts that whisper the stars. Rose can hardly breathe.

“I’m scared,” Rose whispered, getting the attention of the other two, “I’m so, so scared.”

“Me too.” Rey murmured, getting up from her seat and sitting next to Rose on the bed.

“I’m scared too,” Jess moved over to Rose’s other side, pressing close to her body. They’re silent a moment, all three looking out the window to the sky above them.

“We can be scared together then,” Rose said, squeezing the hands in her own. Jess and Rey both pressed a kiss on her shoulders, twin promises that warm her flesh and settle into her heart.

“We’ll be scared together,” they whispered onto her shoulders and Rose shuddered once.


End file.
